The Art of Giving Up
Our culture encourages hero stories and a never-give-up attitude. While that might be a good philosophy to live by the majority of the time, there comes a time when it makes sense to throw in the towel. No one wants to be a quitter, but quitting is actually the smartest choice in some circumstances. Is it time to give up? Let’s find out.
Quitting may be the right choice for your circumstances if:
The outcome you wanted no longer appeals to you. Maybe you always wanted to be a cowboy, or become a classical pianist, or run a marathon, but interests change. If something truly no longer appeals to you, it’s futile to waste your time pursuing it.
However, be certain it’s the outcome that no longer excites you. Perhaps it’s just the work ahead that’s unappealing. That’s a different issue.
The required sacrifice is no longer worth it. Accomplishing anything significant often requires trade-offs. In the case of a physical endeavor, that sacrifice might be physical discomfort, injury, or time. Other goals might have financial sacrifices. Regardless of the goal, there will be trade-offs and sacrifices along the way. You might discover that the sacrifice is far greater than you anticipated, or that your priorities have changed. Life isn’t a static event. Everything is constantly changing.
You’ve found something better. Suppose you were fascinated by the next promotion in your current company, so you took the offer, and started pulling in those long evening and weekend working hours. Along the way, you discovered that the opportunities your clients are working on are much more interesting, and you love to be able to make an impact directly with customers. It’s reasonable to pivot your options and pursue customer-centric roles instead.
Sometimes, our initial interests lead us to the thing that we really love. Many psychologists recommend this as a strategy for finding your true self. They suggest giving all of your interests a fair attempt and then see what happens as a result.
You’re overly concerned with what others think. Are you pursuing medical school, a great set of abs, or a BMW because you want to impress others? This is hardly temporarily satisfying. You’d be wise to find something else to do with your time that will satisfy you directly. No one is ever going to give you enough praise to make your efforts worth it.
It’s taking too much time or other resources from a more significant goal. Some of your interests might be impeding your progress toward more significant goals. You only have a certain number of hours each day. Spreading yourself too thin ensures that you’ll never accomplish anything significant.
Casual interests often have to be set aside to support the bigger picture. If you consider yourself a curious person, this one can be a particularly hard skill to master. If letting go casual feels unimaginable at the moment, you can still navigate out of it by limiting the level of engagement or engage in it scarcely - as a personal reward for accomplishing the more significant goal.
Your capabilities have changed. Maybe you had a shot of winning the NYC marathon at one time in the past. Age, injuries, family responsibilities, and other recently discovered limitations can become hurdles too big to overcome. Or, those hurdles can make the necessary sacrifices too big to be worth the effort.
As your situation changes, your objectives might change, too. For example, a recently married person might find that they have greater responsibilities and demands on their resources - with new priorities - so they may want to forego a previous goal.
Some goals become too costly in terms of resources to continue to pursue. A lifetime doesn’t last forever. There’s only so much time, money, and other resources available to pursue your goals. Your interests can also change. What was once appealing can lose its luster over time.
Maybe you’ve just found something better to spend your time on. Or, perhaps your capabilities or life situation has changed. These are all good reasons to consider quitting. There’s an art in calling it quits when it’s the smartest option available to you.
To join the conversation about norms and expectations that deprioritize self-care and put our longevity at risk, please follow us on Instagram (@dimovskis) and the Clubhouse App (@coachlana).
I look forward to chatting with you and learning how you go about resetting the boundaries, calibrating norms and expectations, and pivoting your energy where it nurtures you the most.